Do you struggle to open up? Do you find it hard to express your love to those closest to you? In these cases, we’re scared to be vulnerable. This can be dangerous since you might regret not telling your dad how great of a parent he is, or your mom how much you appreciate her once it’s too late. So we need to try to fix this and have fewer regrets later on in life.
Just like in all my past articles, I like to note that I’m not perfect and I struggle with opening up quite a lot. The reason I bring this up repeatedly is that, when I first started learning about self-growth, I used to be extremely judgmental of myself, believing that I was far behind and not as accomplished as the authors or speakers I listened to. This made me feel down, a lot of the time. However, I discovered that they also make mistakes, and that helped me feel somewhat better.
What is Vulnerability
I see vulnerability as being yourself without the fear of being rejected, judged, or attacked. Another sign of vulnerability is not caring about what other people think of you. It’s a skill that we have to develop, not a trait because it requires a lot of effort and work. Being vulnerable means pursuing your dreams, starting the business you’ve always wanted, sharing an unpopular opinion, setting boundaries because something is making you uncomfortable, or apologizing first. You do all that, despite what others will say.
Importance Of Vulnerability
I get it, sometimes talking about our feelings makes us feel like we’re exposed to the world. We strive for perfection, exactly like the false messages that influencers and social media feed us. Hiding your true self though, will make you miserable and lonely in the long run. So, here are some of the benefits of being vulnerable:
- Forming deep relationships, and being able to trust that person and count on them. This is something you need in your life.
- Doing whatever you set your mind to, and live the life YOU truly want, without holding yourself back from fear and judgment.
- Having fewer regrets, when it comes to telling your loved ones how much you appreciate them before it’s too late. Along with knowing, when you’re on your deathbed, that you lived your life to the fullest and accomplished everything you set out to do.
- Inspiring the people around you to be more vulnerable and as a result, have a non-judgmental, joyful, and peaceful environment.
- Building self-confidence, because you believe you’re good enough, no matter what others think.
- Having more courage, which we will discuss later.
Struggling with Vulnerability
We are all born vulnerable, try to remember how you were when you were a child. I used to get bullied by our traditional neighbors whenever I played football with all of my boy cousins and their friends or did anything that was too ‘tomboyish’. Did that stop me from doing what I enjoyed? No. But we’re too scared of being vulnerable now. Now, think of something you did as a child, where you didn’t care what others thought of you, and try to feel the excitement.
So, why is it so hard to be vulnerable? You can find out right now. Truth is, it depends on your experiences and what you went through. It can be something from your parents, school, society, or friends. Maybe you trusted a friend with a secret when you were younger, and they told everyone about it. If you’re a man, it’s also possible that you picked up on the societal stereotype that true men don’t cry and shouldn’t express their emotions.
Yes, being vulnerable is like purposefully exposing yourself to potential judgment, criticism, and uncertainty. They all sound bad, and it’s why we’re very scared of the consequences. No one likes the unknown, after all. In some cases, rejection can lower your self-esteem and make you question what you’re doing wrong. But, trust me, as long as you’re not harming anyone, you’re doing great. Don’t let people determine your worth.
Vulnerability is Bravery
You might be surprised by this statement because we always perceived vulnerability as a weakness. But imagine this, you’re interacting with someone that’s being their truest self no matter who’s around them, they don’t hold back, and they do what they say they will do. What will you say? They’re weak because they’re being themselves? No, you will be inspired by them and want to be like them.
Vulnerability is strength because you are not hiding your true self, and putting on a fake mask. Instead, you’re maskless and you’re telling people that this is who I am, take it or leave it. You are who you are without any feeling of shame or concern for criticism or rejection. That to me is powerful, and this way people will understand that you are unaffected by their opinions and that you don’t require their approval to be happy
Steps to Embracing Vulnerability
1. Gain Awareness
Figure out what past experiences led you to have issues with vulnerability. Maybe your parents criticized you when you were younger, and that led to you having low self-esteem, or maybe you were bullied in high school. It’s also possible that you’re simply afraid of rejection since you’ve been rejected in the past, and it didn’t feel good.. Dig into that root cause, and when you do, remind yourself that it’s not your fault if others feel that way about you and that just because something happened in a previous relationship, doesn’t mean it will happen in a future one.
2. Believe you’re Enough
Everyone says that but what does it mean to be enough? I like to think of it like this: you were never meant to be perfect, and even when you’re improving as a person, you’re still good enough. You don’t need to satisfy people to be good enough, this isn’t what we were put on this Earth to do.
When you believe you’re enough, you no longer have to wait for someone’s approval to prove that to you. You know you’re good with or without those people. You’re confident. This way, you can start being vulnerable without doubting yourself.
3. Do the uncomfortable
You grow when you step outside your comfort zone. In case of vulnerability, try being vulnerable once every day. If it makes you uncomfortable, that’s good, we want that. Yes, it will be hard at first, but if you’re consistent and keep pushing through, you will eventually be on your way to being vulnerable.
Challenge of the week: Tell someone you love them every day. Choose different people for each day.
4. Remind yourself of the benefits
Remind yourself of the change you can make in your life and the impact you’ll have on others around you, as we discussed earlier.
5. Surround Yourself with Vulnerability
When you can, surround yourself with people who speak their minds without hesitation and be inspired by them.
Final Thoughts
Despite all the benefits we just discussed, I believe it’s important to choose who to trust, based on the experiences you’ve had with that person. They might be a good friend when it comes to fun hangouts, but are they there for you, when you need them?
Being invulnerable can make us feel lonely because we believe that no one will genuinely appreciate who we are. On the other hand, exposing too much vulnerability to the wrong person can be dangerous and lead to long-term trust issues.
Conclusion
Let’s recap, we agreed that vulnerability is a strength rather than a weakness. Being vulnerable comes with many rewards including inspiring other people around you, raising your self-confidence, and forming deep relationships. We also discussed the methods needed to start being vulnerable today. Again, we should always be cautious about who we confide in and are vulnerable around, but when it comes to being yourself, that should be the case with everyone.
So, was that valuable to you? Please let me know in the comments whether you accomplished the challenge I mentioned above. It can be challenging, especially if you’re not used to it. By sharing this forward with your friends, you can begin to encourage them to be more open and vulnerable.
Very informative
Amazing advice!! Keep it up!