Do you ever find yourself laying in bed at night, replaying conversations in your mind, wondering if you left a good impression on someone you met? Or perhaps you start having doubts about the potential of your relationship, despite it going really well? I’m sure we’ve all had our moments with overthinking and it’s not fun. Trust me, I’ve had my BIG share of it. If you’ve had experience with overthinking, you’re likely aware of its big impact on your life, affecting everything from your relationships and goals to your mental and physical health. Well, don’t worry about that anymore. This article will give you strategies on how to overcome overthinking, stop worrying, and live life on your terms.
What Is Overthinking?
Overthinking can be defined as excessively focusing on the negative. What’s interesting is that studies have revealed that 85% of our negative thoughts never actually happen, and the other 14% don’t turn out as bad as we imagined. So, in reality, only about 1% of our worries become reality. Think about that for a second. How much time and energy do you spend overthinking that tiny 1%? Something that’s almost never gonna happen, literally.
And if you pay attention, when we’re overthinking, we’re usually stuck in the past or worrying about the future, rarely enjoying the present. For example, we might assume that someone doesn’t like us based on a certain expression they made (past), or worry that our partner might change one day and choose to leave us (future). That leads us into a never-ending loop of thoughts that can seriously impact every part of our lives. See what I mean? Overthinking is essentially all about dwelling on the negatives and the negatives only.
Signs Of Overthinking
Overthinking might look different on everyone, but if you relate to these, it’s a sign you’re overthinking:
- Fixating on negative “what if” or “should have” scenarios.
- Worrying about the future.
- Making assumptions/ overgeneralizations without actual proof.
- Second-guessing and doubting your decisions.
- Imagining worst-case scenarios.
- Constantly replaying something from the past (a mistake, a situation, etc…).
- Perfectionism.
Why We Overthink
Being aware of why we do it is the first step to overcome overthinking. There are a lot of reasons as to why we overthink everything, here are some of the most common ones. Let me know if any of these resonate with you:
- Childhood Events: Overthinking can form as a result of a habit we built when we were kids. Let me elaborate: maybe you grew up consistently anticipating negative reactions from others, or experienced bullying, leading you to continually analyze past interactions and anticipate future events. These early experiences can become the building blocks of overthinking as we navigate our adult lives.
- Past/ Traumatic Events: This is highly common and I’m sure it has happened with all of us. Bare with me here, because you will find this so relatable. Our brain always links past events to future ones. For instance, let’s say you were ghosted by someone in the past who made you feel like you’re not enough. Now, you’re dating someone new, and she hasn’t texted you back. What happens? Your mind will pull up these old receipts and give you proof that she’s not responding because you’re not good enough, when in reality, she might just be caught up with family. See how it works?
- Mind Conditioning : Since our ancestors, our minds have been practically trained to overthink. When humans used to live in caves, they had to always anticipate future threats like those associated with wild animals and others. Fast forward to today, we still have that habit in us except our concerns have shifted from life-threatening situations to overthinking smaller, everyday matters, because thankfully, we no longer live with wild animals.
- Perfectionism: Perfectionists typically hold themselves to exceptionally high standards, driven by a desire to prove to both themselves and others that they’re perfect. If you relate to that, you might have grown up with highly critical parents who wanted you to excel in everything. So as you grew up, you internalized the belief that you should never make any mistakes.
- Anxiety: Our minds are wired to protect us, often by coming up with backup plans for different situations. Ever walked home alone, felt a bit of fear, and suddenly every little sound, like leaves rustling, made you think someone is out to get you? Overthinking can be as straightforward as your mind trying to keep you safe from any possible threats or uncertainties. It’s human nature.
Exercise: When you find yourself overthinking, stop for a second and write down what you’re feeling. Ask yourself why you feel the way you feel. Is it something from your childhood? Use the points above to help you untangle it.
8 Ways To Overcome Overthinking
We’re all aware of how overthinking can have an impact on our daily lives, from our relationships to our overall well-being. It can even prevent people from doing what they love. Maybe you’re hesitant to travel because you can’t stop worrying about the worst-case scenarios of flying. The good news is that you can definitely overcome overthinking and learn how to manage it in a way that won’t keep you and those around you on edge. So without further ado, here are the ways to do that:
Develop Awareness
You cannot get to the root of the problem or quite frankly solve it if you’re not aware of it. Often, we get too deep into the overthinking habit, starting with a small concern and ending up with a much bigger one, all without realizing it. That’s why it’s crucial to gain awareness before you reach the point of overwhelming anxiety, where it becomes more challenging to manage. The more we practice developing awareness, the easier it is to overcome overthinking. After that, you can start applying strategies to keep yourself from going down that rabbit hole.
Write Down Thoughts
Whenever you feel like you’re overthinking, jot down everything that is going through your mind. Don’t leave anything out. This way you get a clearer mind and you are able to really analyze what you have on paper. From there, you can have a conversation with yourself, pointing out how your thoughts are unrealistic, because they are most of the time, am I right? And for those that are rooted in reality having them laid out on paper makes it far simpler to work through and take meaningful action.
Let Go Of Control
This is the most powerful way to overcome overthinking. We often want to control a future outcome. As a result, we end up stuck in this cycle of analyzing what could go wrong or how things might not turn out as we hope. Truth is, there are aspects of life that we simply can’t control, and overthinking them only brings us pain and discomfort. And you know what? There’s great comfort in knowing that some things are not in your control, at least for me. It means that I can just relax and accept that I can’t change those things. So, the key here is to shift your focus to the things you can control.
Exercise: When going through the overthinking loop, ask yourself ” Is this a problem I can control or solve?”. If not, let it go and move on with your life knowing you can’t do anything about it.
Things in your control include: your actions, your responses, your choices, your beliefs, what you focus on, your values & goals, and your boundaries. On the other hand, the things that are NOT in your control – these are the ones you should let go of- include: the past, the memories, regrets, others’ feelings, others’ responses/actions, others’ beliefs, loss, the future, and natural disaster.
Related Articles: How to Let go of Control and Live a Worry Free Life
Take action
As mentioned previously, you can’t control the past or the future, you can only control the present. If done right, overthinking can be used as motivation to get you closer to your goals. Let’s say you’re overthinking about an upcoming presentation next week. Instead of thinking about the worst scenarios, like tripping on stage, invest your energy into problem-solving. Practice for hours and refine your presentation until you’re confident. Sometimes overthinking can have solutions, but only when it’s something in your control. So wherever possible, take action and use it as proof against your ruminating mind. This helps you overcome overthinking while simultaneously resolving the problems within your thoughts, making you feel more relaxed.
Practice Mindfulness
I personally practice mindfulness so I’m your proof that it helps to overcome overthinking. Mindfulness is the practice of focusing on the present moment and letting your thoughts/ feelings be there with you without overanalyzing or judging them. If we live in the present moment fully, we wouldn’t be suffering or overthinking because most of the time, the present moment is empty of pain and sorrows. Think about it, are there any problems in this exact moment? This is what mindfulness is all about.
You can practice mindfulness at any time in your day, whether you’re eating, talking to a friend, or listening to music. Let me elaborate, let’s say you’re doing the dishes. Doing the dishes mindfully means observing the dirty dishes become clean, feeling the water on your hands, and fully immersing yourself in the task. Take it all in, everything around you, and be in the now. The more you practice it, the more control you will have over your thoughts because you’re able to just let them be without any judgement.
Try this: When you find yourself overthinking, engage in mindful breathing and try the 4-7-8 breathing rule: inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7, and exhale for 8. Repeat 3 times or until you feel relaxed.
Challenge Negative Thoughts
If you’re an overthinker you probably had those “what if” thoughts. It might look like this, “What if I’m not as good a parent as I think, and I’m causing lasting harm to my children?” or “What if I never find true love or a meaningful relationship?”. These questions can be a real stab in the chest. So how do we overcome them? Change the narrative.
When you catch yourself in this cycle, replace those questions with something that lifts you up. It would sound more like: ” What if I find a man that’s better than my mind can even comprehend?”. Give yourself evidence as to why you’re not that negative thought . So, if you’ve ever questioned your parenting skills, remind yourself of those late nights where you made sure your child had a good meal or listened attentively to their concerns and offered emotional support. So, when you notice yourself worrying about what could go wrong, remind yourself to get excited about what could go right.
Take A Walk
Trust me when I say, nature heals. We’re a part of nature, whether it’s the sky, trees, plants, animals, or the wind. When you connect with nature, you’re also connecting with your true self. I remember once where I was extremely triggered and my mind was going crazy. I journaled but it didn’t work. Talking to people to help calm me down didn’t help either. But then a voice inside me told me to just take a walk, and I did. I came back with a refreshingly clear brain and was finally able to work through what had been bothering me. So when nothing else seems to work, connect with nature and you will be a whole new person.
Distract Yourself
I’ve heard a lot of people give this advice to overthinkers, ” count till 5 and stop overthinking” or to “mentally repeat the word ‘stop’ to break your thoughts”. But in my opinion, that doesn’t work, at least not for me. If I tell my mind to stop doing something, it almost rebels and does it even more. The more you try to prevent a thought from entering your brain, the more likely it is to keep popping up. So what you can do instead is to change the channel in your brain by changing the activity. Exercise, work on something that will completely distract you, or listen to some progressive house music.
Final Thoughts
While I was reflecting on this topic, it occurred to me that overthinking can indeed serve as an opportunity for healing and identifying past traumas. Hear me out. As we discussed earlier, overthinking can come from past trauma where certain things might trigger us so much when it won’t even faze others. Let’s go back to the example we discussed of the guy who thinks his girl ghosted him because she took too long to reply. This reaction was linked to a past experience where a completely different girl did indeed ghost him, introducing feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt into him. If he digs deeper into the reason why he has those beliefs, he can work out through his past trauma and end up building self-love and confidence.
Exercise: Notice what you often overthink about and ask yourself, can this be a consequence of a past event?
Conclusion
Let’s recap, overthinking is something all humans struggle with and it can impact our daily activities, as well as our quality of life. It usually happens because we’re stuck in the past or an uncertain future. We discussed ways in which we can overcome overthinking and improve our ability to manage it effectively. Remember, dwelling and worrying about problems does not solve them, planning and taking action does. Lastly, don’t forget that your thoughts are just thoughts and they don’t define you.
So, did you find this helpful? Feel free to share any new insights you’ve gained about yourself and any past traumas through the exercises we discussed. Let me know if you want a part 2. And if you’ve got friends dealing with overthinking, don’t hesitate to pass on the knowledge. I’ll always be here cheering you on!