Are you a perfectionist? Well, I’m here to tell you that you’re not because perfectionism is a myth. Usually, we use it as a mask to cover up some sort of fear. In either case, perfectionism ruins our productivity and in some cases, prevents us from reaching our dreams and goals. By the end of this article, you will be able to let go of perfectionism and eventually start taking action on achieving your dreams.
What Is Perfectionism?
Perfectionism is an all-or-nothing mindset. This is when we strive to make everything look perfect, which can take place anywhere whether that’s working on our physical appearance, cleaning the house, starting a business, or even in our relationships. No matter what results you achieve, you can’t seem to tone it down or be satisfied. Things can go even further and cause us to start procrastinating or stop pursuing our dreams. Let’s all be honest, we probably tell ourselves something along these lines, “I’ll start tomorrow, it’s already 3 PM”. Do we really start? Most likely, not.
Reasons For Perfectionism
Reasons for perfectionism can differ from one person to another, gaining awareness of why you are the way you are can help you take the first step into changing it. Here are some factors that may cause us to be perfectionists:
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Fear of Rejection/failure
We are always held back by our fears. Maybe you worry about being rejected by others or even by yourself. Perfectionists dislike failure because it makes them feel unworthy and they tie their sense of self-worth to their accomplishments. What do you have on pause? Really dig deep into why you do that. Maybe it’s as simple as putting off a meal you’ve been wanting to cook because you don’t want to take a chance on it failing and getting the title of “the worst cook in the family”.
They also have their sense of self-worth tied to other people’s approval. For them, any form of rejection is a reflection of their failures or inabilities. Say your goal is to become a writer, but you are terrified of the submission process and the possibility that your work will be turned down by publishers. As a result, you make the decision not to follow your dreams.
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Your Upbringing
Try to reflect on your childhood for a bit, were your parents perfectionists and always expecting the impossible from you? I believe that we have all gone through this, especially when it comes to getting good grades in school. Which areas of your life did they focus on? Does it reflect on the one you’re currently working to perfect? Try to understand why they are the way they are and acknowledge that it doesn’t serve you anymore. Let it go.
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Social Media
I think we all know where I’m going with this. Social media presents false and wrong impressions of people; it only ever shows the positive, joyful, and successful parts of life. We are constantly bombarded with images of fancy cars, people our age who are already millionaires, happy couples, and more. This puts pressure on us to believe that we’re not doing enough and eventually creates unrealistic expectations that are literally impossible to achieve, making us miserable.
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Need For Control
We all hate uncertainty and the unknown, so we try to control every area of our life to ensure that everything will go perfectly well and as smoothly as possible. We aim to control our situations and problems that are mostly outside of our control in the hopes of reducing risks.
Related Article: How to Let Go of Control and Live a Worry-Free Life
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Mental Issues
Although there is no direct link between perfectionism and mental disorders, they may still be associated with them. You may be dealing with anxiety and OCD which causes you to focus on the smallest of details. Some people base their actions on their lucky numbers; for example, if they like the number 7, they might close the door or tie their shoes seven times in an effort to make their day go more smoothly.
Therefore, someone who concentrates on these tiny details would similarly want perfection in other areas. However, I want to emphasize that being a perfectionist does not necessarily indicate that you have OCD. If you’re going through this, it’s okay. You’re not alone. I also want to add that I’m not a doctor or a psychologist, but if you need help with that, you can always reach out to a professional. However, I really hope my approach can be helpful to you in some way.
Exercise: Write down in your journal the reasons why you think you are the way you are. Maybe it’s something I haven’t mentioned here. Share it with us, if you like.
Signs You’re A Perfectionist
- Procrastination: We all procrastinate, after all, we’re human. However, there’s a difference when perfectionists put off tasks. Let me clarify that for you: one of the signs of perfectionist procrastination is when you’ve been meaning to do something for a while, like reading a finance book, but haven’t done it and keep making up empty excuses on why you can’t while waiting for the perfect time to do it.
- Setting High Standards/ Expectations: There’s nothing wrong with setting standards for yourself, this is what keeps you going. However, perfectionists set unrealistic goals and expectations that are very hard to reach, so they keep trying and trying without really ever being satisfied with their results.
- Overly self-critical: They usually focus on the flaws or what went wrong in a project rather than focusing on everything else that went right. So they find it very difficult to celebrate their achievements because they feel like everything could be better than it already is.
- All-or-nothing mindset: Perfectionists don’t believe that there’s something called mediocre, they either think it’s perfect or a complete failure. This keeps them on their toes all the time.
- Difficulty cooperating: Perfectionists can sometimes find it very hard to assign tasks to others because they don’t trust that others will meet their high standards and so prefer to do it themselves and that further stresses them out.
I want to point out that there are different spectrums for perfectionists, even if you have these signs you might be a perfectionist in only some areas and that’s okay. Others, however, have it very hard which can be exhausting for both them and those around them. But don’t worry, it’s 100% possible to fix it and you will be able to take action by the end of this article.
“At its root, perfectionism isn’t really about a deep love of being meticulous. It’s about fear. Fear of making a mistake. Fear of disappointing others. Fear of failure. Fear of success.”
Dangers of Perfectionism
While perfectionism does come with its benefits and motivates us to keep going, it can have bad consequences both physically and mentally. Here are some of the dangers of perfectionism:
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Increased Stress and Anxiety
According to Lewis University’s blog, research has shown that high rates of perfectionism may lead to mental health issues like depression and anxiety. Setting particularly high standards for yourself will only make you feel obliged to impress both yourself and others. Because of this, you constantly overthink potential problems and people’s reactions, which only makes you feel more stressed and under pressure.
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Delayed Goals
Perfectionists spend so much time thinking about the most perfect and efficient time to start that they end up not doing it. That can sometimes make you feel miserable, speaking from experience. You have all these dreams and goals in mind, while months and even years pass by without you taking action. You start looking back on the time wasted and regretting it. That doesn’t feel good, take it from me.
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Tense Relationships
Setting high standards for yourself also means that you’re setting unrealistic, high standards for those around you. This could also imply that you’re constantly seeking more and that no matter what someone does for you, it’s never enough. Your relationships may suffer as a result of the unease this causes.
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Sensitive To Others
Due to their enhanced sensitivity to what other people think of them, perfectionists often feel the need to constantly demonstrate their perfection and show that they have it all together. They take criticism personally and perceive it as a threat to their sense of self when it is directed at them. Similarly, when it comes to their achievements, they find themselves comparing themselves to those who seem to be outperforming them and try to prove otherwise.
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Decreased Productivity
Just as we talked about earlier, perfectionists won’t begin a task unless they are certain they can complete it flawlessly, which is practically impossible. They fear making mistakes. As a result, they put things off and come up with excuses as to why they shouldn’t or can’t. Usually, when they do take action, it’s because they pushed themselves to do so or had a positive external influence. After all, nothing can ever be done perfectly.
Exercise: Ask yourself: what areas in my life am I trying to perfect? Maybe it’s in multiple areas. How is that affecting your mental health or day-to-day tasks?
Personal Experiences
God, there are plenty of times when I’ve thought of myself as a perfectionist, and as I learn more about it, I’m thinking back on moments when I’ve wanted things to work out so badly that I ended up putting them off completely. Looking back, I realize that my fear of failure or disappointment was the main reason behind this. A great example is the blog you are reading right now. I had the idea of starting a blog for months until I finally gathered the courage to take action and make it a reality. I put off this dream of mine for 6 solid months while making up empty excuses. I’m still learning and resisting the urge to stop here.
I am a person who is vocal and wants to share my excitement with those close to me, but I found myself keeping the “blogging” idea from them, out of fear that those ideas would fail, leading to judgment from them. How am I here? Very simple. I just decided to take any action. The first step was watching videos about how to get started and I went on from there. You can take action too! I believe in you.
Let me give you another example, a simpler one. I am someone that loves to be in a clean house and I trust my cleaning skills. When I’m cleaning, I get annoyed when others don’t help me. However, I’ve discovered that even when people offer to help, I prefer to clean myself since I don’t trust them to do it well. Weird, I know. I still am trying to find my way through it, but I can definitely say that I have made some progress in that area.
5 Ways To Stop Perfectionism
I want to start by saying that you must be aware of something to take action into changing it. So dig into why you might be a perfectionist. Do you worry about disappointing people? Was that something your parents instilled in you as a child? You will feel relief knowing why you are the way you are. So, let’s get right into it.
Take The First Step
Yes, this is a very basic yet very powerful solution. Fun fact, It’s what made this blog come to life, I just decided to take the first step towards my dreams and everything else fell into place. Think about your desires. Do you want to start meditating but are worried you won’t be able to do it right? Maybe it’s something bigger, like putting off buying a new house because you don’t think you’ll find the “perfect” one? Whatever it is, just take the first step. Your first step to practicing meditation could be learning about it by watching guided videos, for example. Trust me, when you take this first step, everything else will fall into place.
Be Ok With Failure
It’s okay to fail. Success is 99% failure. Read about one of the most successful people in history, they have all had their deals of failure but eventually got it right. The same applies to you. Be ok with disappointing others. Let go of the fear of judgment. It doesn’t matter. Focus on your goals and your path. Never forget that failure is merely a lesson or a negative experience. You will always have your downs, but you will only learn how to get things right with experiences and action, not by waiting. Remember, incorrect action is better than no action.
Related Article: 7 Ways to Overcome Fear of Failure (Take Action Now)
Accept Your Weaknesses
We all have special talents of our own; it’s okay to excel in certain things but not so much in others. Humans are like this. For example, I am good at baking and making desserts but really bad at preparing main course meals. Guess what? That’s fine. I can always learn and even if it’s not in my area of expertise, I will live. I’d rather focus on developing my strengths at baking to be the best at it.
Let Go Of Small Incomplete Tasks
I think that’s a great way of letting go of perfectionism. Taking things one small step at a time helps you anticipate the bigger steps and let go of them. Let’s say you’re handing in an assignment and you keep ripping the paper because you feel like your handwriting can be better, submit it, yes even with your bad handwriting. Simply letting go of a tiny, simple task will help you let go of a larger, more complicated one. Of course, we should always do our best. I am not encouraging you to send out poorly written and incomplete assignments. Do your best and just let it go. Don’t overthink it.
Practice Self-Compassion
Failure may not feel good all the time, but with the right mindset, you can overcome it faster. Practicing kindness and self-love with yourself can open you up to the acceptance of criticism from anyone. Part of being a perfectionist is the fear of getting rejected by yourself. So welcoming in that love and kindness can help you let go of that fear because you accept and love yourself despite your mistakes and failures.
Conclusion
Let’s recap, perfectionism can sometimes be a good thing because it pushes us to do our best. However, it can sometimes act as a huge wall between us and our goals, our relationships, or even our mental health. We now understand that there’s no such thing as a perfect task or a perfect time. We will never be fully ready. So what area in your life are you trying to perfect? What excuses are you giving yourself as to why you can’t do something? Ignore these voices and do it anyway!
So, how was that? Do you have an idea of why you might be a perfectionist? Maybe it’s only in a small area of your life. Let me know what answers you got from the exercises. Share it with your perfectionist friends if you think it will be helpful to them. I’ll always be here cheering you on!