Why You Make Bad Decisions and How To Stop

Have you ever wondered why you often end up making bad decisions? Why does that happen? What can you do to change that? I’m here to tell you. The straightforward answer is that they are a byproduct of your values. Don’t get me wrong, bad decisions can sometimes be good because they teach you what’s right from wrong. However, the decisions that consistently have negative effects on your life are what I want to focus on.

Where do values come from?

Values are beliefs that motivate or guide our attitudes and actions. You might ask, where do they originate from? Great question! Most of the time, they are a result of our upbringing and childhood, or even past experiences. Typically, we take on and live by our parents’ particular ideals and values throughout our lives. Similarly, our parents adopt their parent’s values (unless they decided to change them along the way). What values or ideals did your parents or other early role models pass down to you? What do you think of them? Finding your true self begins with discovering your values.

Two Types of Values:

Bad values are those that are not in our control and lead to disappointment, unnecessary stress, and unfulfillment. Examples of bad values include manipulation, seeking validation from others, envy, ego, anger, greed, and comparisons.

Let’s use the need for approval from others as an example (wanting people to like you). Although it may feel good, depending on it to make you happy, will only make you miserable or maybe give you temporary fulfillment before you go on to seek that acceptance from someone else. Point is, it will never be enough. Instead, we could practice self-love by giving ourselves that validation. Self-love (a better value) is long-lasting, and something you can work on right away.  But relying on the approval of others is something we can’t control, and if we don’t get it, we will end up feeling disappointed, meaning our sense of fulfillment is in someone else’s hands and we should never give that power to another person.

Good values are those that are in our control, morally accepted, and lead to calmness, happiness, and meaning. Examples of good values include self-respect, serving others, taking responsibility for one’s actions, gratitude, compassion, humility, vulnerability, perseverance, honesty, and discipline.

Since you have power over these situations, you may start taking action right now. As a result, your happiness and fulfillment will come from within you entirely, not from an external factor. Ryan Holiday, a best-selling author, claims that humility is the antidote to ego. You can avoid judgments, dishonesty, and arrogance by being humble. As a result, you are better for those around you.

Getting Rid of Bad Values

If you’re unhappy with the decisions you’ve made in your life, maybe it’s time to change or review some of your values. It’s always a good idea to change these values into good values that will improve the quality of your life.

Awareness and Evaluation

So how do we change them? Like everything else in life, the process starts with awareness and evaluation. Start by asking yourself these questions: When was the last time you made a choice that had outcomes you weren’t happy with? The answer to this question makes you aware of a bad value that you have.  What drove that decision? Was it anger? Where did you learn it from? Was it from your household, school, or the movies you watch? Do you want it in your life?

Taking action

The second step is taking action, what do you want to replace that value with? Possibly, calmness in this case. Start applying that in your day-to-day activities. Pay attention to your anger and make an effort to remind yourself of the value you want to achieve. It takes time to change values because they are ones you have held on to your entire life. So, it’s perfectly normal to fail on your first try, don’t judge yourself. Give yourself credit for trying. Remember, practice makes perfect. Additionally, you can try keeping a journal of your angry moments; maybe you’ll find a pattern of when you get upset the most and be proactive rather than reactive the next time the same situation occurs.

” Choices come along every day, and we can begin to weave values into them.”

–Jay Shetty, author of Think Like a Monk, Sunday Times Number One Bestseller.

Discovering your values

By now, we already know how important good values are. They guide you to make better decisions and be better for yourself and the people around you. By altering these values, you can change your behaviors and actions and possibly get the life you want. To discover the truest version of yourself, you first need to figure out what’s most important to you.

How do you spend your time?

Tell me how you spent your time last week and I will work out what your values are. Actions speak louder than words. People can say that they value religion, but when was the last time you prayed or dedicated some of your time to God? Same thing with family, when was the last time you talked to your parents? Evaluating how you spend your time, will allow you to figure out what your values are. Choose the good values you want to start incorporating into your life. Let’s say it’s family, perhaps start by talking to your parents more often.

Ask Questions

I want you to get a pen and paper and start answering these questions. It’s okay if you don’t know all of the answers, just write down whatever comes to mind first. These questions will give you an overview of your values.

Side Note: You can answer a few of them and if you start to feel overwhelmed, you can always come back to them later.

• Who’s someone you look up to? Why do you take them as role models? What values do they possess that you want to have?
• When do you feel like your true self, authentic and real? Times when you felt like you didn’t have to fake anything and that you’ll be accepted no matter what. What traits were involved?
• What traits do you want your significant other/ friendships to have? These are probably things you value. Be realistic when listing these traits, remember no one is perfect.
• What is something you don’t like doing or feel bad after? Who are you with when these activities take place? Maybe it’s time to minimize the time spent with these people.
• What do you appreciate most about your personality and want to keep? Caring? Vulnerable? Perseverant?
• What are aspects of your personality that can be hard to accept? Anger issues? Stubbornness? Selfishness?
• What motivates you? Is it a specific goal you have in mind? For example, going to the gym to be stronger, healthier, and more confident in your body.
• What puts you in a better mood? Talking to friends? Reading a book? Going out? Netflix?
• What are your goals? Why do you want to achieve them? It can be starting a business to be more financially independent; this might mean that being financially free is a value of yours.

Conclusion

Let’s recap, we concluded that values are the foundation of finding your true identity. We figure out what values we don’t want and just like they were taught to us, we can always unlearn and replace them with ones that define who we truly are. This in turn allows us to set goals that are sincere to us and us only and filter out other expectations from the people around us. To reach our goals, we have to have the right values to act on (having discipline, patience. etc…). Once more, you won’t achieve that overnight and wake up to be a whole different person, it’s a process and it might take time but don’t worry, you will eventually get there. I believe in you.

So, did that get you thinking? Are you happy with your values? If not, what are you going to start doing today? Let me know how it goes in the comments below! I’ll always be here cheering you on!